


Rette Mich

by RosVailintin



Series: Manquer D'Amour N'Est Pas Un Crime [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: The Abominable Bride, Song Lyrics, Victorian Sherlock Holmes, song title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5920762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosVailintin/pseuds/RosVailintin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remember the roar of the waterfall, the steepness of the precipice, the darkness and bottomlessness of the abyss - the unfair battle, two of them against me alone, I remember.</p><p>
  <em>Tell me, where did you go?</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rette Mich

**Author's Note:**

> It's Valentine's Day everybody! So happy Valentine's Day if you're in love! And if you're not (well I ain't either lol), just treat yourself well! And...here's a bit of Valentine special which is actually not about Valentine at all...Okay probably this can happen on this day though, in TAB it didn't say what exact time it happened and it seemed like winter so why not February.  
> Anyway, the story began from when Prof Moriarty (let's be Victorian lol) was kicked off the precipice (I know that in the film it all happened in Sherlock's mind palace, but let's just suppose that it happened in real world so we'll have a really good Mormor story!), and this title is that of a song I love very much by Tokio Hotel called Rette Mich (and as they always do, it has an English version titled Rescue Me but I still and always prefer German). And the line I quoted in the beginning of the story, lyrics from The Fall by Mark Feehily, the first time I heard this song I thought about TRF, though I don't think Mark himself meant it at all. But it fits so well!!  
> Okay that's it. Hope you enjoy the little story and have a great day!  
> Rosa x

I guess that's what they call, they call the fall, knocks you off your feet and makes you lose control. (It's okay, it's okay, you'll be alright. It's okay, it's okay, you'll be alright.)

\- Markus Feehily·The Fall

* * *

I'm falling. Even in this complete void where all senses seem to go numb, I feel I'm falling - probably this is what Alice had felt down that rabbit hole. And the void in which I'm drowning - or floating, I don't know - I can't even tell whether this space is all white or all black, all bright or all dark, or whether it has a colour or shade at all - or whether I have sight at all.

_Tell me, where did you go?_

There's an incessant sound wrapping around me - tinny or vigorous, high or low, near or far - that, along with this endless emptiness, is slowly driving me helplessly insane and fearful. Dread, a frantic dread, that's what it feels like, if it feels like anything at all. Is this what they call death? What Alex Shearer called the Great Blue Yonder, what Hegesias believed to be more desirable than life? Or is this nesnesitelná lehkost bytí, the unbearable lightness of being? Or else, they are all the same thing?

I begin to fathom why 'empty chat' became a phenomenon in ancient China during the Northern and Southern dynasties. Those poor souls spending a lifetime chasing disengagement - yet there is no out-and-out extrication, never. I used to believe that the final void was, but now here I am, and it's no relief at all. This vacuum has tied a rope around my chest and is violently hurling me all over the place, tearing me into pieces - and it's painful.

Yes, I feel pain.

The ceaseless, abstract sound is getting more and more distinguishable. It sounds like someone, someone I seem to have memories of - the pain appears to be stimulating my mind. A force is shoving me, rocking my entire body.

_It's not the fall that kills you. It's never the fall._

_But this don't even feel like falling._

_It's the landing._

It's the landing. Did Alice reach the bottom of the rabbit hole just like this? Like a thousand knives cutting deep in, a million bullets hitting every single cell of your body all at once? If so, she should be thanking God for the rest of her life for making the whole adventure in Wonderland just a dream under a tree.

Because this pain is killing me now. Having regained some consciousness, I begin to miss the void, the emptiness where touch, feelings, thoughts and everything don't exist. I must be somewhere. There must be something supporting my weight, stopping me from falling and drowning even deeper. But what is that something? Where is that somewhere?

Some vague pieces of memories come back into my mind. I remember the roar of the waterfall, the steepness of the precipice, the darkness and bottomlessness of the abyss - the unfair battle, two of them against me alone, I remember. How I had hoped that he would show up for me, that he would simply come out of nowhere and stand by my side, that when Dr Watson pulled out a gun and pointed it at me, he would stop him, even just with a shout. But he didn't. I waited till the moment I crossed my hands behind my neck, till the moment I stepped on the edge of the precipice, till the moment I knelt down - yet he didn't appear. I fell, so did my last thread of hope.

_Tell me, where did you go?_

But is that you, is that the sound of your voice, you calling my name? All the way through this hell of nothingness, has that sound always been you?

'Jim? Jim, do you hear me?' A voice keep calling.

It's you. It can't be anyone else, I'm more than sure. Throughout all these years in this world, you're the only one who calls me Jim, not James, nor anything ridiculously formal like Professor Moriarty.

I try to lift my eyelids, even though every single breath hurts.

Seb?

'Jim? Jim! Jim, you can hear me!' I feel a soft, warm touch on my cheek, a touch so familiar.

I see you there, even just through the narrow slit between those heavy eyelids. Our eyes meet, even just for one moment, whether you notice it or not. Your eyes are bloodshot. Yet behind the tiredness, they are as blue and clear as I have always known, like you have all the oceans in your irises. I force a little smile, unsure about whether it's perceptable.

But you see it. 'Thank God, you're -' You aren't even able to finish the sentence before breaking down. I hear sobs, something that I had never ever heard from you before. So you have a weak side after all, don't you? You pretend to be strong and invincible, you convince everybody that frailty is never a part of you, but you're vulnerable after all, even if just sometimes, aren't you? We're pretty much the same on this point - I guess you're already and always aware of this, that I can be as fragile as a teardrop. So is this the real you that I see right now?

I would have written a script to blame you for not turning up when the barrel aimed at my head. I had had thousands of ideas about how to tell you that I was pissed off and that you were supposed to feel guilty. I had been thinking to myself that this should be made into a film titled _Fifty Ways To Scold Your Lover_. But I slowly put my hand in yours. Your tears drop on my skin, and they're warm.

'I thought you were dead,' you are still weeping, but manage to say some complete sentences, 'I was almost ready for that - at least I thought I was.'

You watch me fold our fingers together. Yes, I'm listening.

'You just fell off like that...it was so high I don't even know if you -' you look up at me in the eye, and cut the words. You hesitate for a short while, and say, 'Did you think that I...I mean, when I didn't...when he pushed you off the precipice and I didn't go stop him, did you feel...'

I close my eyes, and suppress a smile. It would be a lie if I said I didn't.

'I was waiting at the bottom of the falls.' There's a slight tremble in your voice. 'I didn't - I don't know what happened up there, I couldn't see it. I just knew that Dr Watson would probably be there, so it would be two of them against you alone, and I was puzzled between going up with you and waiting down there ready to catch you if you fell -' you pause to see if I'm still awake, '- and I decided on the latter. I was thinking that, if you...if you really fell off the precipice, there would be no use I being up there. There I could kill both of them, but if you fell, I would only be able to catch you at the bottom.'

I ain't got enough strength to speak - though even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say. I simply fix my gaze on you, and just looking into your eyes seems enough to express all and understand all.

'You're quite heavy,' you raise an eyebrow and grin, 'you really are. I prepared several air cushions, but you fell so hard that you literally bounced up, and I had to get up onto the cushions and carry you to the carriage.' You giggle, and shake your head. 'And then...' you keep your eyes down, and the smile is gradually gone, 'then you were like...you were unconscious, completely unconscious for...maybe a week or so, I don't quite remember. You had been like that - like...like dead, just - when you landed on the cushions, you were already in a coma, and it was...' you slowly stroke my palm, 'it was scary, just looking at you - face so pale and eyes firmly closed, not stirring even a tiny bit - your heart was still beating, and that was the only proof that you were still alive, but the pulses were so weak.' You take a deep breath, 'I actually...it may sound stupid, but I thought of...you know, fairytales, like, say, Snow White or...Sleeping Beauty -'

I can't help bursting out a small laugh.

'No! Don't -' you bend forward and clutch my hand, '- oh no, you shouldn't...' 

The laugh has turned into a sudden, sharp pain that soaks into every bone and extrudes a moan from my chest.

'Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made you laugh. You broke three ribs, you know.' You cup my hand with both of yours and add, 'I've been wondering how you can even breathe so smoothly. It must be a lot of pain.'

Of course it is, and you certainly know how it feels like. Once in a fight, all your ribs were broken, and one of them into three pieces - you definitely remember it.

But I just give a small smile.

'Oh yes, I hope...I hope you don't mind that I got a doctor in here?' You look into my eyes, searching for forgiveness like a little kid who has just smashed a vase, 'Just for the first few days, 'cause you were so badly injured and I didn't think I could manage it all by myself...I didn't even have any idea where to bind up. I didn't dare touching you,' you let out a quiet sigh, 'I was afraid I would break some more bones if I did - Don't laugh!' Maybe you've seen the little moves of my lips, and you raise your voice a little, 'I know it probably sounds funny, but don't laugh, please. I'll stop saying anything like that.'

I won't tell you that it's this serious look on your face that really makes me wanna laugh.

'Where was I? Did I say I thought about the fairytales?' You go on, 'You know - just don't laugh this time, I beg you - you know in those fairytales how the prince wake the princess, yeah?' You avoid my eyes and smile at yourself, 'So I just...I was so desperate and I...just kissed you. I didn't really expect it to work,' you quickly look up and explain, 'but I just did it.'

I think I felt it. In the unconsciousness, I probably really felt it, a tiny bit of heat through the cold blank. And it worked, believe me, it worked.

You're waiting for my reaction; I see it in your eyes, the expectation. But c'mon, you know I can't do anything more than smiling and squeezing your hand. You continue, 'There was no miracle. At least that was what I thought, because that kiss didn't wake you. I wanted to try again, but the doctor came, so I had to stop.' You suppress a sigh, and then your face light up like an excited child, 'However, the next morning at around 9:45, your fingers suddenly stirred!'

That must be when I began to feel that I was falling.

'It was like...I think you were probably trying to catch something. I didn't quite dare touching your hand, 'cause I've heard them say that if you touch a sleepwalker and wake him up, he may die from shock, and I was afraid that it would happen to you too. So I just sat here and waited.'

And you haven't really slept since then on - or maybe for all these days, and that's why your eyes are totally bloodshot. You've been sitting here beside me for a week, right?

'I didn't know how long it would take. But your fingers stirred, and that meant you weren't all dead. So I waited and waited, and I let the doctor leave - I guess he thought I was mad. I knew he had already believed that there wouldn't be any hope; he just didn't say it to me, because you know, that's not really allowed as a doctor.' You take a deep breath, and lean forward a little, 'Then today, I finally saw your eyelashes tremble, and you opened your eyes!'

You almost break down again. I stroke your fingers, and fold them on mine. Cry if you want to, Seb. You don't have to show ME how strong you are, you know that - and if you think that true strength is never showing any weakness, then you're wrong. You're wrong, because it's the opposite. I can't say this to you, but I think you see it in my eyes. Just cry if you want to, it's okay.

'I was...You saw it, right?' You have tears in your eyes, 'I was too...I thought there would be no miracles like that, and I was ready for the worst, but you...' I feel liquid dropping on my hand. You blink a few times, and try to keep your breath steady, 'It may be...I know we don't really say this to each other, but I'm so proud of you, Jim, I really am.'

You really don't need to stress that, Seb. I know you are, always, and I you too. Aren't this the way we are all the time?

I free two fingers from your hand and gesture 'come closer'. You understand within a second, like you always do. I close my eyes, feeling your touch on my cheeks. Our lips touch, in such a familiar way - the taste of your passion hasn't changed, and I find myself missing it so bad.

'So good to have you back.' I hear you whisper between us, this close and hot. Don't turn me on, Seb, please. You know I can't do it now.

All I can do is, as you finally decide to pull back, telling you with this weak voice what I've wanted to say all those times, 'I love you.'

**Author's Note:**

> So this is it, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it! And thank you for all the kudos lovelies!!  
> Implied/Quoted songs/lyrics in the text:  
> Adam Lambert·Down The Rabbit Hole  
>  _Tell me, where did you go?_ \- Boyzone·Where Did You Go  
>  _But this don't even feel like falling._ \- Beyoncé·Halo  
>  Sia·One Million Bullets  
> Westlife·Solitaire (The Carpenters cover)  
> Westlife·Us Against The World  
> Peacock·Katy Perry  
> The King's Singers·Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover (Paul Simon cover)  
> Westlife·Safe  
> Adam Lambert·Soaked  
> Westlife·See You Again  
> And _If you think that true strength is never showing any weakness, then you're wrong. You're wrong, because it's the opposite._ is from the TED speech _Confessions Of A Depressed Comic_ by Kevin Breel, a speech which I love a lot and have quoted in another Mormor work [_Crystal Globe_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5343728) too.  
>  By the way, I've previously saw a text post on Tumblr saying 'I'm dead when Seb eventually didn't show up in TAB' or something like that, and I was like, oh yeah me too, and that's what first inspired me to write a fic about it. But really sorry that I forgot who posted it, so a shoutout to the blogger too!  
> Rosa x


End file.
